You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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