Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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