I looked at my own cervix.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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