you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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