Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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