things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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