I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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