I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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