my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize