i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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