we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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