Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize