I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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