my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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