And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Everclear isn't food dammit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize