i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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