I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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