remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize