I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He has the fingertips of a God
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