Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize