based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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