Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize