I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are we still banned from the library?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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