Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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