I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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