OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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