even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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