so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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