The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize