You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize