Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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