this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
please don't ironically join a cult
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