can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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