can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize