I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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