i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I believe in your delicious
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize