It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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