My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize