I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize