Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize