Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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