puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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