just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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