I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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