Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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