Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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