Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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