Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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