I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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