What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize